Mirror, mirror...

When I'm old I want to be graceful. Not spin-around-with-my-old-lady-apron-on-and-keep-my-toes-pointed kind of graceful, but I want grace to be so consistant in my life that in very essence I become a biproduct of grace.
Today we got locked out of our house after church (the spare key was sitting on the fishtank, just inside the door. Dad was in a meeting with the only other house key. It was raining and we were in our Sunday clothes so checking for open windows wasn't working since all the bottom story windows were covered in plastic. So we really couldn't get in.) and we had a Christmas card that never made it to Sister Peterson (the gift made it, the card...not so much.) Sister Peterson is a widow in our ward at church who is just sweet as can be and absolutley adorable, everyone loves her. She took a nasty fall a few weeks ago that had her in the hospital for a while and has needed a lot of prayers and love. So we decided since we were locked out for another hour or more, had the card in the car and were in our Sunday best anyways that we may as well go see her.
Well that visit lasted a VERY long time. I don't know how long she kept us but she never ran out of things to say and I learned so much and felt like I had soooo much improvement to do. She told us that when she was in the hospital (please note, shes about 5 foot when shes standing on a chair and is probably the cutest old woman I have ever seen. I can't imagine how gorgeous she must have been at 20.) she woke up in so much pain and couldn't even sleep for three days. "Why wouldn't He just let me die I wondered as I laid there. I guess I still have a lot of repenting to do." She said in her little, shakey voice. Then she gave us one of those discources you want to listen to and remember because you know it's been learned over so many years and their trying to teach you something. She told us about how she struggles everyday and has so much to repent for each day. How on earth does a sweet old lady who sits around reading scripture and sending sweet notes to people have things to repent for EACH DAY?!?
"I started with my actions and thought I was doing really well, then I read again about how we're judged for our thoughts and realized that my thoughts slip so much and everyday I have to push them out and repent."
I really don't know what kind of thoughts she would have that would need repenting for but I am certain that they are so much higher than mine.
I have so much to over come before I am over come by grace, but if I ever want to be as cute as her when I'm old I have a lot of work to do because only angels come that pretty.
When I was thinking about qualities I want, like being graceful, I was reminded of the lesson we had in Church. Sister Bloomquist gave it, she taught about judging...that includes ourselves. I hugged her after the lesson and cried because it was so much of what I needed to hear. She had a mirror with tooth paste smeared all over it and asked one of the girls what she saw, she said, "Nothing. It's all weird." So many times our vision of things is so distorted and obscured that we see things in a totally different light than they are and what we see isn't real. Later she pulled out a body mirror with words all over it, beautiful, real, charitable ect. and asked one of the girls what she saw. She didn't know. I knew though and I couldn't not raise my hand. I saw Kiana in the mirror. I saw her reflected in the mirror and the words on the mirror reflected in her.
I went home, pulled out an expo marker and covered the mirror with words.
REAL is the biggest of my 30 words.
I am not a model.
I am not consistent in grace or repentance, but should be.
I don't have perfect skin, or hair, or teeth, or weight, or muscle tone, or proportions, or eye color...in fact there are days when I wake up and cry looking in the mirror because I'm so mad at what I see and the fact that it looks nothing like the girl I went to bed looking like :)
I get angry and scream and yell.
I've whacked my little brother with a frying pan.
I whine at 7 when my alarm goes off and hope it snowed so I don't have to wake up for seminary.
I do a lot of good, but sometimes people see this girl who is perfect, beautiful, talented and finished in all things...and I glance over my shoulder to see who on earth their talking about.
But you know what, I AM REAL!
And that is good enough!
My skin will get better, my hair just needs some work at times, my teeth are pretty close to perfect (thank you mom...braces were a miracle,) my brother still loves me and I've only hit him with a pan twice...maybe three times, I am that perfect girl for about 5 minutes every day, I get to seminary on time most days, my body is perfectly healthy and I will embrace how I look because I couldn't be copied or prototyped...no one could pull of a danielle like I do!!
And BESIDES ALL OF THAT, what are mirrors supposed to do?
Reflect you.
I look at them so i can see myself, all of me, not just my face.
I should be more worried about what I am instead of what I look like when I leave the house. The 6 layers of mascara and however much concealer and powder needed that day are not me! It all washes away, my hair wont hold forever, my shirt will eventually clashed with something if I look for hard enough, my skin wont pick up any *positive* colors no matter how long I spend in the sun... But I can be directed, still, compassionate, accepting, loved, filled with destiny, faithful and deep down, more than anything else i am deity. AND THE WORLD NEEDS TO HUSH AND LISTEN TO ME BECAUSE I AM DONE LISTENING TO IT! I am me, not what it wants but exactly who I want; and I'm the princess, so should get what I want, right?!
I need reminded at times of what I am, so now my mirror has purple expo marker all over it :D
My brothers hate it :) I love it.
I WIN!
I know who and what I am and my mirror is gonna learn it to!
This Daughter of God is exhausted and going to bed.
Good night!